Les Poissons (Sandy’s Moe version)
Inside the dining room, SpongeBob was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Mr. Krabs was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, SpongeBob was waiting patiently for Sandy to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the yellow sea sponge. "Oh, SpongeBob, be reasonable," said Mr. Krabs, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" SpongeBob cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Mr. Krabs, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the schoolteacher. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Mrs. Puff. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Sandy. Sandy was now wearing an off-the-shoulder purple-and-lavender gown with a lilac brim on her neckline (similar to Ariel's dress), puffy shoulder sleeves with long diamond-shaped designs on both sides attached to the long sleeves, and peplum, a pale purple underskirt, matching pantalettes, and purple pumps. She was still wearing her pink flower. This was a new look for Sandy, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. SpongeBob's eyes widened as Mr. Krabs walked up behind the sponge. "Oh, SpongeBob, isn't she a vision?" asked Mr. Krabs. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. SpongeBob's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." SpongeBob stammered. Sandy, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her black eyes looked up from behind her ears. SpongeBob blushed a light pink as Mr. Krabs helped SpongeBob into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. SpongeBob pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Danny tucked the chair under the table as the female squirrel sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, SpongeBob?" Sandy wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object, took off her flower, and began brushing her fur-hair with it. She looked up to face a confused SpongeBob and a horrified Mr. Krabs. Sandy delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table, placed the flower back behind her ear, and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Mr. Krabs using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Sandy understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Mr. Krabs kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Mr. Krabs stopped in mid-sentence when the female squirrel blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. SpongeBob cracked up with laughter while Mrs. Puff gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. SpongeBob cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs." Mrs. Puff smiled, placing a hand on the yellow sea sponge's shoulder. "Why, SpongeBob," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Sandy looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Mr. Krabs, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Mrs. Puff, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Mrs. Puff smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed rabbit!" Bugs poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was an obese rat with brown fur, a pink nose, and black whiskers. He wears a white tank top, red pants with suspenders hanging down, a white chef's hat, and a matching apron. His name was Moe, the French chef of the kitchen. Moe rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the fat rat chef started singing. Moe: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Moe pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Bugs horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Bugs hid his face. Moe: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Moe took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Bugs leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Moe: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Moe again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Bugs tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Moe: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Moe pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Bugs grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Moe took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Moe: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Moe pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Bugs flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Moe's preparations for the tuna. Moe: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Moe was describing those horrid moves, Bugs cringed even more. Just after Moe put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Bugs' worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The rabbit kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Moe, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' rabbit and continued singing, Moe: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent rabbit? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Moe tossed Bugs into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. Moe: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Bugs spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Moe didn't notice that the rabbit in his hand was still alive. Moe: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Moe threw Bugs across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Bugs held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Moe, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the rabbit, picking up Bugs and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Bugs bit Moe's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Bugs landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Moe reached for the rabbit, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Moe grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Bugs an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the rabbit. Bugs, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Bugs pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Moe lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Bugs running for his life. Bugs screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Moe and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Moe screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Bugs hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Mrs. Puff, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Mr. Krabs, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Moe is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Bugs. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Moe!" shouted Mrs. Puff. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Mrs. Puff's shrill voice. His tank top and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat was gone, and there was a hole in pants, revealing white underwear with red hearts on them. "What are you doing?" Mrs. Puff demanded. Moe stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Mrs. Puff scowled at the fat rat as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his whisker. Mrs. Puff picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Mr. Krabs set his glass back on the table as Mrs. Puff placed their dinners in front of him, Sandy, and SpongeBob. "You know, SpongeBob," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" SpongeBob simply sat there, staring at Sandy with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Mr. Krabs had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. SpongeBob let out a small chuckle and looked at Mr. Krabs. "I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs." he said, "What was that?" Mr. Krabs leaned over to the yellow sea sponge and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Mr. Krabs complained, he opened his dish, and Bugs was huddled inside. Sandy noticed Bugs and became worried. Bugs quietly shushed the worried female squirrel, who opened her dish and urged for Bugs to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Mr. Krabs, easy." said SpongeBob, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Bugs quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Sandy's dish. With Bugs safe, Sandy quickly turned to SpongeBob. "Well, what do you say?" asked SpongeBob. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Sandy nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Mr. Krabs. "Now let's eat, before this rabbit wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Bugs had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Sandy, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs went their separate ways. Sandy was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched SpongeBob play with Gary from the balcony. Sandy was now wearing a lavender sleeveless cotton nightgown. "Come here boy!" SpongeBob laughed to Gary, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Gary slithered up to him and meowed. SpongeBob growled playfully at the snail as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the female squirrel he'd found on the beach that day, watching. SpongeBob waved at Sandy, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. SpongeBob's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Sandy smiled as she brushed her tail with her fork. Bugs complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Sandy patted Bugs on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the rabbit, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Sandy while she walked over to her bed. Sandy's bed was a large canopy bed with lilac mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large purple curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the purple canopy), lavender blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy lavender blanket, & violet mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Bugs told Sandy, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that sponge to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Bugs. Sandy lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Bugs went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Sandy was already fast asleep. Bugs shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Sandy's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Sandy covered him up with her lavender blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Sandy and Bugs both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Parodies Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmake Category:Songs Category:Spin-offs